Friday, September 11, 2009

FUNNY

An elephant joke is a joke, almost always an absurd riddle or conundrum and often a sequence of such, that involves an elephant. Elephant jokes were a fad in the 1960s, with many people constructing large numbers of them according to a set formula. Sometimes they involve parodies or puns.

Two examples of elephant jokes are

Q: How can you tell that an elephant is in the bathtub with you?

A: By the smell of peanuts on its breath.

Q: How can you tell that an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

A: By the footprints in the butter.

Elephant jokes first appeared in the United States in 1962. They were first recorded in the Summer of 1962 in Texas, and gradually spread across the U.S., reaching California in January/February 1963. By July 1963, elephant jokes were ubiquitous and could be found in newspaper columns, and in TIME and Seventeen magazines, with millions of people working to construct more jokes according to the same formula.

Both elephant jokes and Tom Swifties were in vogue in 1963, and were reported in the U.S. national press. Whilst the appeal of Tom Swifties was to literate adults, and gradually faded over subsequent decades, the appeal of elephant jokes was mainly to children, and has lasted. Elephant jokes began circulation primarily amongst schoolchildren, and have been discovered afresh by subsequent generations of children, remaining, in Isaac Asimov's words "favourites of youngsters and of unsophisticated adults".

Asimov discusses one particular elephant joke that he states is notable for the exceptional sophistication of its humour. The joke was told in the aftermath of the murder of Lee Harvey Oswald by Jack Ruby, who had walked into Dallas police headquarters carrying a gun, and, in Asimov's words, whilst still maintaining the absurdity necessary for elephant jokes "carried a quick overtone of chill rationality":

Q: What did the Dallas chief of police say when the elephant walked into the police station?

A: Nothing! He didn't notice.

A track on the 1978 album by The Goodies, The Goodies Beastly Record (Columbia Records), is titled simply 'Elephant Joke Song', and consists of the three comedians trading appropriately corny elephant jokes in cod-Rastafarian accents over a reggae groove. A sample joke from the track...

Q: Why do elephants have big ears?

A: Because Noddy would not pay the ransom!

Elephant jokes rely upon absurdity and incongruity for their humour, and a contrast with the normal presumptions of knowledge about elephants. They rely upon absurdist reasoning such as that the only way to detect an elephant in one's bathtub or in one's refrigerator is by the smell of its breath, or by the presence of footprints in the butter; such as that an elephant would be found dressed in a nun's habit; or such as that an elephant could climb a cherry tree, that an elephant would paint its toenails, and that simply painting its toenails in turn would be sufficient in order to camouflage it. However, this reasoning is not outright nonsense, and elephant jokes do contain a small core of conventional logic. Although that is not the primary method of distinguishing them, elephants and prunes do differ in colour. If painting an elephant's toenails were a camouflage mechanism, red would be the appropriate colour for a cherry tree. Black, white, and grey would be the colours of an elephant dressed in a nun's habit, and not the colours of an elephant dressed in some other form of costume.

Elephant jokes are often parodies of conventional children's riddles. In conventional riddles, the answer to the riddle is usually a well-known item, such as an egg. In elephant jokes, the answer to the riddle is something that is usually outlandish or absurd, and impossible for those who do not know the punchline to guess, such as Campbell's Cream of Elephant Soup.

Ritchie describes elephant jokes as comprising double frame shifts. The joke about the elephant in the bathtub comprises first a frame shift from a realistic frame ("in which an elephant could not possibly be found anywhere near my bathtub") to a fantasy frame; and then, in the punchline, a second frame shift in which the fantasy is in its turn logically subverted by the idea that "none of the obvious attributes of elephants (e.g. size and color) is deemed relevant, and the salience of a totally secondary association with eating peanuts is increased". He states that the humour of elephant jokes derives in part from the contradiction between "the logical and expected schema-driven answer" to the riddle, and the actual absurd punchline.

Elephant jokes usually comprise a series of connected riddles, rather than a single standalone riddle. The series usually compounds the absurdity, with succeeding riddles in the joke undermining the logical structures that are implied by the answers in the preceding ones. For examples:

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?

A: With a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?

A: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant?

Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?

A: Hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.

Similarly:

Q: How many elephants will fit into a Mini?

A: Four: Two in the front, two in the back.

Q: How many giraffes will fit into a Mini?

A: None. It's full of elephants.

Q: How do you get two whales in a Mini?

A: Along the M4 and across the Severn Bridge.

Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your refrigerator?

A: You can hear giggling when the light goes out.

Q: How do you know there are three elephants in your refrigerator?

A: You can't close the door.

Q: How do you know there are four elephants in your refrigerator?

A: The Mini is parked outside.

Elephant jokes thus not only deliberately undermine the conventions of riddles, they even act to undermine themselves. This even extends to undermining the implied premise, expected by those that are familiar with elephant jokes, that an elephant joke is automatically illogical, or even involves elephants at all. For example:

Q: What do elephants have that nothing else has?

A: Baby elephants.

Q: What is gray, has four legs, and a trunk?

A: A mouse going on vacation.

Q: What is brown, has four legs, and a trunk?

A: A mouse coming back from vacation.

Q: What has eight legs, two trunks, four eyes, and two tails?

A: Two elephants.

There can even be an off-color tinge:

Q: Why is an elephant big, grey and wrinkly?

A: Because if it was small, white and hard it would be an aspirin.

Q: Why are golf balls small and white?

A: Because if they were big and grey they would be elephants.

One time Gong Show act Mike Elephant is remembered for the following joke:

Q: What's the difference between an elephant and a plum?

A: Their color.

Q: What did Tarzan say to Jane when he saw the elephants coming?

A: Here come the elephants.

Q: What did Jane say to Tarzan when she saw the elephants coming?

A: Here come the plums; she was color blind.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

JOKE

JOKE

Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions.

He takes his seat in the Examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails.

Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperatley throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.

The invigilator,alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I finished the exam in half an hour". "But yaar", he says, " I am rechecking my answers."

Thursday, April 23, 2009

FAT JOKES

Sardar at bar in New York .
  Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
  Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
  Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"

Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
  Sardar : liquid state.....
  Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks be hind, ALL WERE SARDARS..... ..
  

Banta Singh: "Yaar Santa, last year the name-plate outside your house read Santa Singh B.A. This year it read Santa Singh M.A., When did you finish yours Masters Degree?
  Santa Singh: "You don't understand. Last year my wife died, I put B.A. to indicate Bachelor Again. Then I took a second wife, So M.A. is Married Again.

YO MAMA JOKES

Dear Mr Bill Gates,
  
  This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a
  computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to
  your notice.
  
  1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and
  whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. 
  
  We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****.
  
  I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the
  password is.
  
  2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down '
  button.
  
  3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.
  
  4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.
  
  5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
  
  6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost
  the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find',
  but unable to trace. Is it a bug??
  
  7. Every night I am not sleeping as i have to protect my 'mouse' from
  CAT, So i suggest u to provide one DOG to protect from the cat.
  
  8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning
  'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to
  collect ur money.
  
  9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft
  sentence', so when u will provide that?
  
  10. Hey, I brought computer, cpu, mouse and keypad there is only one
  icon with 'MY Computer', where is remaining ?
  
  11. And in 'MY Pictures' there is not even single photo of mine, So when u will keep my photo in that.
  
  Thanks
  Banta Singh…

JOKES BLONDE

Hi, 
  
  I�m sardar. Since I am not skilled in programming please delete all your inbox messages and switch off your mobile. 
  
  Thanks for your help. 
  Now pass this virus to others.

Sardar: Will u marry after I die 
  
  Wife : No I wiil live with my sister.
  
  Wife : Will u marry , after I die .
  
  Sardar: No I will also live with ur sister. 

SHORT FUNNY JOKES

A train suddenly deviated from the tracks and ran onto the nearby fields before returning on the tracks again. The passengers were horrified at this. At the
  next railway station, the driver was caught and questioned. He was a sardar and explained that a man was standing on the tracks and he refused to budge.
  
  The authorities asked him, "Sardarji, are you mad? Just to save one person, you put so many lives in danger. You should have overrun that person." 
  
  The sardar replied: "Exactly, that is what I was doing, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close."

Sardar complained to his friend about his wife "My wife never agrees with anything I say. And we have been married for six years."
  
  Mrs Sardar (Rajsi) intervened, "Not six we have been married for seven years!"

BEST JOKES

Flash news: 
  A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . 
  
  Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..


On a ROMANTIC dare sardar's girl friend asks him, "Darling on our 
  engagement will you give me a ring?"
  
  Cooly replies: Ya sure, what's your phone numner.....

in an interview,
  
  Interviewer: How does an electric motor run? 
  
  SARDAR: dhuurrrrrrrrrr..
  
  Interviewr shouts: stop it !
  
  SARDAR: dhurr dhup dup dup dup.

NAUGHTY JOKES

One sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in burma bazaar. 
  
  His tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price. 
  
  Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no,no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for Rs.750.
  
  It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo free of cost. Our sardar asked whether he will give two. 

Kidnapping by a sardar... TOO GOOD! 
  
  There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck.
  
  In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree and told him, "I've kidnapped you." 
  
  Sardarji then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put Rs.2, 00,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the mango tree on the north side of the city playground".
  
  Signed: "A Sardarji"
  
  Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was kept beneath the mango tree. 
  
  The boy was sitting next to the bag. Sardarji opened up the bag and found the Rs.2, 00,000 in cash with a note saying: "How can a sardarji do this to a fellow Sardarji? Take the money, and please leave my son."
  
  Signed: Another Sardarji

Man: Sardarji where were U born?
  Sardarji: Punjab .
  
  Man: Which part?
  
  Sardar: Oye What part part, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar". 
  

SHORT JOKES

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
  
  He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!" 

CLEAN JOKES

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
  
  Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." 
  
  An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry .. we still have one engine left." 
  
  A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!" 

JOKE OF THE DAY

NAPOLEAN: "In my Dictionary there is no word called 'IMPOSSIBLE'....
  
  Sardarji: "What's the use of saying it now, you should have checked it before buying THE DICTIONARY !!

BIRTHDAY JOKES

 Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything.
  
  So the other asked, "Why are you crying?" 
  
  The first one replied, "I came here for blood test" 
  
  Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid?" 
  
  First one replied, "No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger" 
  
  Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?" 
  
  The other replied, "I have come for my urine test." 

VERY FUNNY JOKES

Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. 
  
  We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect your new standards:
  Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December
  As well as:
  Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak
  
  I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a globalproblem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible. 
  
  And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think We ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00? We'll await your direction.

One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.
  
  A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" 
  Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" 
  
  Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. 
  Sardar answered " No No Me ! Banta Singh" 
  
  Third one came and asked the same
  question, Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to
  shift his place. 
  
  While walking he saw another Sardar
  enjoying the Beach. 
  
  He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?". The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing. 
  
  The Sardar slapped him on
  his face and said "Idiot, they are all searching for you and you are sitting here"


ADULT JOKES

Sardar proposed a Girl
  .
  .
  .
  Girl said 'I'm 1 year elder to you'
  .
  .
  .
  Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.

Sardar was writing something very slowly.
  
  Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
  
  Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
  
  Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''
  
  Note: Manmohan Singh is the Prime Minister (PM) of INDIA


FUNNY JOKES

A Teacher lecturing on population:
  
  In India after Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.
  
  A Sardar stands up and says: we must find and stop her !! 

Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave him 11 cr after deducting tax.
  
  Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!

Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as
  
  to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
  
  After much thought he wrote : Yes !

FUNNIEST JOKES

Flash news: 
  A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . 
  
  Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..

One day Sardarji was driving his new car. Suddenly, he collided with a bicycle. The accident caused much damage to the bicycle and the guy was furious. Sardarji ran towards him mumbling apologies, but the man was not pacified. 
  
  He shouted at sardar got a stout stick and starting hammering it on the windshield. Sardarji was shocked and tried to take the stick from him, requesting him to stop. But the bicycle man (who was incidently very stout) got hold of the Sardarji and carried him ten meters away from his car. He drew a small circle near the road with the stick and asked Sardarji to stay inside and not move outside the circle, threatening him with his stout stick for better measure. 
  
  Now our Sardarji was not very brave at heart and coolly went to stand in the circle. The man goes back to what he had left in the middle and starts on the headlights. After this, he starts on the rearlights. As soon as he breaks the first one, he hears a faint chuckle from the Sardarji. He breaks the other one, now he could distinctly hear the Sardarji laugh slightly. Enraged, he goes to the Sardarji and asks him why he was laughing. Sardarji says that it was nothing. 
  
  He comes backs and resumes his assault on the poor car and as he goes on in this act, Sardarji's laughs become louder and louder. Enraged, the bicycle man increases his assault , but the laughs keep on increasing rather than decreasing. 
  
  At last, the bicycle man can't stop himself. He goes to the Sardar and taking him by the collar, asks him the reason for laughing. Our Sardar at first says it was nothing, but when the man starts getting really rough, he breaks down. He says "If I tell you, you will beat me". The bicycle man, now very curious, promises not to do anything if the Sardar tells him.
  
  Satisfied about his safety, our Sardarji says "You know, while u were engaged there, I came out of the circle seventeen times."

Three Construction workers are working on the 20th floor of a tall building in Bombay. 
  
  One is a Mallu, the second is a Bengali and the third is a Sardarji. Every day all the three meet in the lunch hall and have their lunch together. 
  
  One fine day-the Mallu opened his lunch box and finds idlis in the box. He says " I am fed up of eating these idlis daily. If I find idlis in the box tomorrow, i will jump from the 20th floor and die".
  
  Next the Bengali opens his lunch box and finds Fish in it and says, If I find fish in my lunch box tomorrow, I am going to jump from the 20th floor of this building and die".
  
  Next the Sardarji opens his lunch box and finds Parathas in it and says "Mother promise, if I find parathas in my box tomorrow I am also going to jump from the 20th floor"
  
  Next day the three friends meet in the lunch room for lunch. Mallu opens his lunch box and finds Idlis and promptly jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
  
  The Bengali opens his lunch box and finds fish in it and jumps from the 20th floor and dies. 
  
  Sardarji opens his box and finds parathas and he also jumps
  from the 20th floor and dies.
  
  In the combined funeral held for all the three friends by their colleagues, the Mallu's widow says "I did not know he hated idlis so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch".
  
  The Bengali's widow says "I did not know he hated fish so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch"
  
  The sardarji's widow says 
"I do not understand what went wrong. My husband always prepared his own lunch!"

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
  Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
  Sardar thinks "how poetic"
  Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".

ONE LINER JOKES

Sardar: Can I know my mobile bill, please?
  
  Call centre girl: Sir,just dial *123# to know your current bill status.
  
  Sardar: (He got angry and..)You stupid...
  
  Call centre girl:Sir,I'm sorry, anything wrong?
  
  Sardar: I'm not asking my current bill.I'm asking my mobile bill.. Don't be a fool. Be wise like me.
  
  Call centre girl: ???!!!

Once upon a time.... a sardar was driving his scooter and someone said hey look the beauty and the beast the sardar got off his scooter and said who called my wife the beast.

A sardar was drawing money from ATM, the sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). "
  
  The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"

Sardar Dhakaal Singh is big hunter. Once he went to a zoo. At that time a big tiger escaped from its cage. The zoo officials sent everyone out of the zoo and closed the main gate. Now the tiger is inside the zoo but wandering freely. Zoo people requested sardar to be inside and trap the tiger in a cage. Scared but to avoid insult he went into the zoo in his jeep carrying a big gun.
  
  While driving on one of the zoo's roads, he noticed that the tiger is chasing him. Feeling scared he drove the jeep fast but only to observe that the tiger is very near to the jeep. At that time the road separated into two paths ahead, one to the left and other to the right. Then cleverly dhakaal put the left indicator on and turned the jeep to the road on right. The tiger runs into the left path. With a sigh of relief, he drove forward. After some time the roads meet and the same situation arises again.
  
  Once more the road divides into two and this time our sardar is smart enough to put the right indicator on and turned to left. This time the tiger goes into the road on right side. After some time the roads meet again to our sardar's misfortune and the tiger starts to chase him again. This time the road never divides and our sardar thought the tiger would catch him. Then a brilliant idea struck his mind. He slows down his jeep taking it to the left corner of the road. Then he held his hand outside and a gives signal which is given for vehicles which want to overtake. The
  tiger this time overtakes his jeep and runs forward.
  
  
  
  NOW TELL ME WHAT IS THE MORAL OF THE STORY??
  ANSWER BELOW............
  ..
  ..
  
  ..
  ..
  
  ..
  ..
  ..
  
  
  ..
  ..
  ..
  
  ..
  ..
  ..
  
  
  MORAL: "There are Sardar Communities in Tigers
  too".



HILARIOUS JOKES

Once a sardar had to learn two essays for the exam. One is about friend and the other is about father. He had studied only about friend. But in the exam the essay asked was about father. Sardar dint give up. He replaced father with friend in the essay and it read: 
  
  "I am a very fatherly person, I have lots of fathers, My best father is my neighbor."
  
  He ended the essay as, "A father in need is a father in deed....!"

NAPOLEAN: "In my Dictionary there is no word called 'IMPOSSIBLE'....
  
  Sardarji: "What's the use of saying it now, you should have checked it before buying THE DICTIONARY !!

Sardar joins the suicide bomber squad. So when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp his leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.
  
  He lands up in the enemy's camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?
  
  Leader: No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.
  
  Sardar: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now?
  
  Boss: Wait for more.
  
  Sardar: Sir, now I am in a midst of 100 soldiers, can I suicide now?
  
  Boss: Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don't worry about your family, we will look after.
  
  Sardar pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest.!!!

Sardar complained to his friend about his wife "My wife never agrees with anything I say. And we have been married for six years."
  
  Mrs Sardar (Rajsi) intervened, "Not six we have been married for seven years!"

JOKES

A Sardar and his wife filed an application 4 Divorce. 
  
  Judge asked: How will you divide, you have 3 children?
  
  Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR

Sardar complained to his friend about his wife "My wife never agrees with anything I say. And we have been married for six years."
  
  Mrs Sardar (Rajsi) intervened, "Not six we have been married for seven years!"

A train suddenly deviated from the tracks and ran onto the nearby fields before returning on the tracks again. The passengers were horrified at this. At the
  next railway station, the driver was caught and questioned. He was a sardar and explained that a man was standing on the tracks and he refused to budge.
  
  The authorities asked him, "Sardarji, are you mad? Just to save one person, you put so many lives in danger. You should have overrun that person." 
  
  The sardar replied: "Exactly, that is what I was doing, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close."

Three Construction workers are working on the 20th floor of a tall building in Bombay. 
  
  One is a Mallu, the second is a Bengali and the third is a Sardarji. Every day all the three meet in the lunch hall and have their lunch together. 
  
  One fine day-the Mallu opened his lunch box and finds idlis in the box. He says " I am fed up of eating these idlis daily. If I find idlis in the box tomorrow, i will jump from the 20th floor and die".
  
  Next the Bengali opens his lunch box and finds Fish in it and says, If I find fish in my lunch box tomorrow, I am going to jump from the 20th floor of this building and die".
  
  Next the Sardarji opens his lunch box and finds Parathas in it and says "Mother promise, if I find parathas in my box tomorrow I am also going to jump from the 20th floor"
  
  Next day the three friends meet in the lunch room for lunch. Mallu opens his lunch box and finds Idlis and promptly jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
  
  The Bengali opens his lunch box and finds fish in it and jumps from the 20th floor and dies. 
  
  Sardarji opens his box and finds parathas and he also jumps
  from the 20th floor and dies.
  
  In the combined funeral held for all the three friends by their colleagues, the Mallu's widow says "I did not know he hated idlis so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch".
  
  The Bengali's widow says "I did not know he hated fish so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch"
  
  The sardarji's widow says 
"I do not understand what went wrong. My husband always prepared his own lunch!"

GOLF JOKES

Sardar: why are all these people running?
  
  Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
  
  Sardar: If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?



Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
  Sardar : liquid state.....
  Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks be hind, ALL WERE SARDARS..... ..
  

Banta Singh: "Yaar Santa, last year the name-plate outside your house read Santa Singh B.A. This year it read Santa Singh M.A., When did you finish yours Masters Degree?
  Santa Singh: "You don't understand. Last year my wife died, I put B.A. to indicate Bachelor Again. Then I took a second wife, So M.A. is Married Again.


Santa: I have swallowed a key. 
  
  Doctor: When? 
  
  Santa: 3 months back! 
  
  Doctor: What were you doing till now? 
  
  Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too. 
  


GOOD JOKES

One young man went for an IAS Interview.
  
  "When did India get independence? " He was asked.
  
  "The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.
  
  "Who was responsible for our independence? "
  
  "There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another. " He replied.
  
  "Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"
  
  "Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.
  
  The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.
  
  When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.
  
  Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him." By the way, what is your date of birth?"
  
  He replied, " The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."
  
  Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?"
  
  He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another".
  
  The interviewer was incensed.
  
  " Hey! Are you mad or what?"
  
  He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report ."

KIDS JOKES

Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave him 11 cr after deducting tax.
  
  Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!


One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.
  
  A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" 
  Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" 
  
  Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. 
  Sardar answered " No No Me ! Banta Singh" 
  
  Third one came and asked the same
  question, Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to
  shift his place. 
  
  While walking he saw another Sardar
  enjoying the Beach. 
  
  He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?". The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing. 
  
  The Sardar slapped him on
  his face and said "Idiot, they are all searching for you and you are sitting here"

in an interview,
  
  Interviewer: How does an electric motor run? 
  
  SARDAR: dhuurrrrrrrrrr..
  
  Interviewr shouts: stop it !
  
  SARDAR: dhurr dhup dup dup dup.


MOMMA JOKES

ardar : I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
  
  Friend : why?
  
  Sardar : Got upper berth.
  
  Friend : why didn't you exchange?
  
  Sardar : Oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth..

This joke is Submited By - sardar

SMS JOKE

Sardarji jokes are a class of jokes based on stereotypes of Sikhs (referred to as "Sardarji"s). Although jokes on several ethnic stereotypes are common in India, the Sardarji jokes are one of the most popular and widely circulated ethnic jokes in India.In the recent years, the jokes on the stereotypes of Biharis have become more common than the Sardarji jokes.

STUPID JOKES

In the comedy field, humour induces an "economized expenditure of emotion" (Freud literally calls it "economy of affect" or "economy of sympathy". Freud produced this final part of his interpretation many years later, in a paper later supplemented to the book.). In other words, the joke erases an emotion that should be felt about an event, making us insensitive to it.e.g: "yo momma" jokes. The profound meaning of the void feeling of a humour joke is "I'm a cynic". An example from Woody Allen:

“Three times I've been mistaken for Robert Redford. Each time by a blind person.        

This field of jokes is still a grey area, being mostly unexplored. Extensive use of this kind of humour can be found in the work of British satirist Chris Morris, like the sketches of the Jam television program. Black humour and sarcasm belong to this field.

REALLY FUNNY JOKES

A joke is a short story or ironic depiction of a situation communicated with the intent of being humorous. These jokes will normally have a punch line that will end the sentence to make it humorous. A joke can also be a single phrase or statement that employs sarcasm. The word joke can also be used as a slang term for a person or thing which is not taken seriously by others in general. A practical joke or prank differs from a spoken one in that the major component of the humour is physical rather than verbal (for example placing salt in the sugar bowl).

Jokes are typically for the entertainment of friends and onlookers. The desired response is generally laughter; when this does not happen the joke is said to have "fallen flat".

HUMOR JOKES

Arthur Schopenhauer lamented the misuse of the term "humour" (a German loanword from English) to mean any type of comedy. However, both "humour" and "comic" are often used when theorizing about the subject. The connotation of "humour" is more that of response, while "comic" refers more to stimulus. "Humour" also originally had a connotation of a combined ridiculousness and wit in one individual, the paradigm case being Shakespeare's Sir John Falstaff. The French were slow to adopt the term "humour," and in French, "humeur" and "humour" are still two different words, the former still referring only to the archaic concept of humours.

Western humour theory begins with Plato, who attributed to Socrates (as a semihistorical dialogue character) in the Philebus (p. 49b) the view that the essence of the ridiculous is an ignorance in the weak, who are thus unable to retaliate when ridiculed. Later, in Greek philosophy, Aristotle, in the Poetics (1449a, pp. 34–35), suggested that an ugliness that does not disgust is fundamental to humour.

In ancient Sanskrit drama, Bharata Muni's Natya Shastra defined humour (hāsyam) as one of the eight nava rasas, or principle rasas (emotional responses), which can be inspired in the audience by bhavas, the imitations of emotions that the actors perform. Each rasa was associated with a specific bhavas portrayed on stage. In the case of humour, it was associated with mirth (hasya).

The terms "comedy" and "satire" became synonymous after Aristotle's Poetics was translated into Arabic in the medieval Islamic world, where it was elaborated upon by Arabic writers and Islamic philosophers such as Abu Bischr, his pupil Al-Farabi, Avicenna, and Averroes. Due to cultural differences, they disassociated comedy from Greek dramatic representation, and instead identified it with Arabic poetic themes and forms, such as hija (satirical poetry). They viewed comedy as simply the "art of reprehension" and made no reference to light and cheerful events or troublous beginnings and happy endings associated with classical Greek comedy. After the Latin translations of the 12th century, the term "comedy" thus gained a new semantic meaning in Medieval literature.

The Incongruity Theory originated mostly with Kant, who claimed that the comic is an expectation that comes to nothing. Henri Bergson attempted to perfect incongruity by reducing it to the "living" and "mechanical."

An incongruity like Bergson's, in things juxtaposed simultaneously, is still in vogue. This is often debated against theories of the shifts in perspectives in humour; hence, the debate in the series Humor Research between John Morreall and Robert Latta. Morreall presented mostly simultaneous juxtapositions, with Latta countering that it requires a "cognitive shift" created by a discovery or solution to a puzzle or problem. Latta is criticized for having reduced jokes' essence to their own puzzling aspect.

Humour frequently contains an unexpected, often sudden, shift in perspective, which gets assimilated by the Incongruity Theory. This view has been defended by Latta (1998) and by Brian Boyd (2004). Boyd views the shift as from seriousness to play. Nearly anything can be the object of this perspective twist; it is, however, in the areas of human creativity (science and art being the varieties) that the shift results from "structure mapping" (termed "bisociation" by Koestler) to create novel meanings.Arthur Koestler argues that humour results when two different frames of reference are set up and a collision is engineered between them.

Tony Veal, who is taking a more formalised computational approach than Koestler did, has written on the role of metaphor and metonymy in humour, using inspiration from Koestler as well as from Dedre Gentner's theory of structure-mapping, George Lakoff and Mark Johnson's theory of conceptual metaphor, and Mark Turner and Gilles Fauconnier's theory of conceptual blending.

Some claim that humour cannot or should not be explained. Author E.B. White once said,[citation needed] "Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind."

JOKES COM

Wit

In the wit field plays the "economy of censorship expenditure"(Freud literally calls it "the economy of psychic expenditure".); usually censorship prevents some 'dangerous ideas' from reaching the conscious mind, or helps us avoid saying everything that comes to mind; adversely, the wit circumvents the censorship and brings up those ideas. Different wit techniques allow one to express them in a funny way. The profound meaning behind a wit joke is "I have dangerous ideas". An example from Woody Allen:

           I contemplated suicide again - this time by inhaling next to an insurance salesman.          

Or, when a bagpipe player was asked "How do you play that thing?" his answer was:

           Well.