Thursday, April 23, 2009

FAT JOKES

Sardar at bar in New York .
  Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
  Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
  Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"

Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
  Sardar : liquid state.....
  Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks be hind, ALL WERE SARDARS..... ..
  

Banta Singh: "Yaar Santa, last year the name-plate outside your house read Santa Singh B.A. This year it read Santa Singh M.A., When did you finish yours Masters Degree?
  Santa Singh: "You don't understand. Last year my wife died, I put B.A. to indicate Bachelor Again. Then I took a second wife, So M.A. is Married Again.

YO MAMA JOKES

Dear Mr Bill Gates,
  
  This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a
  computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to
  your notice.
  
  1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and
  whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. 
  
  We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****.
  
  I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the
  password is.
  
  2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down '
  button.
  
  3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.
  
  4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.
  
  5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
  
  6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost
  the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find',
  but unable to trace. Is it a bug??
  
  7. Every night I am not sleeping as i have to protect my 'mouse' from
  CAT, So i suggest u to provide one DOG to protect from the cat.
  
  8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning
  'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to
  collect ur money.
  
  9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft
  sentence', so when u will provide that?
  
  10. Hey, I brought computer, cpu, mouse and keypad there is only one
  icon with 'MY Computer', where is remaining ?
  
  11. And in 'MY Pictures' there is not even single photo of mine, So when u will keep my photo in that.
  
  Thanks
  Banta Singh…

JOKES BLONDE

Hi, 
  
  I�m sardar. Since I am not skilled in programming please delete all your inbox messages and switch off your mobile. 
  
  Thanks for your help. 
  Now pass this virus to others.

Sardar: Will u marry after I die 
  
  Wife : No I wiil live with my sister.
  
  Wife : Will u marry , after I die .
  
  Sardar: No I will also live with ur sister. 

SHORT FUNNY JOKES

A train suddenly deviated from the tracks and ran onto the nearby fields before returning on the tracks again. The passengers were horrified at this. At the
  next railway station, the driver was caught and questioned. He was a sardar and explained that a man was standing on the tracks and he refused to budge.
  
  The authorities asked him, "Sardarji, are you mad? Just to save one person, you put so many lives in danger. You should have overrun that person." 
  
  The sardar replied: "Exactly, that is what I was doing, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close."

Sardar complained to his friend about his wife "My wife never agrees with anything I say. And we have been married for six years."
  
  Mrs Sardar (Rajsi) intervened, "Not six we have been married for seven years!"

BEST JOKES

Flash news: 
  A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . 
  
  Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..


On a ROMANTIC dare sardar's girl friend asks him, "Darling on our 
  engagement will you give me a ring?"
  
  Cooly replies: Ya sure, what's your phone numner.....

in an interview,
  
  Interviewer: How does an electric motor run? 
  
  SARDAR: dhuurrrrrrrrrr..
  
  Interviewr shouts: stop it !
  
  SARDAR: dhurr dhup dup dup dup.

NAUGHTY JOKES

One sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in burma bazaar. 
  
  His tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price. 
  
  Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no,no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for Rs.750.
  
  It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo free of cost. Our sardar asked whether he will give two. 

Kidnapping by a sardar... TOO GOOD! 
  
  There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck.
  
  In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree and told him, "I've kidnapped you." 
  
  Sardarji then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put Rs.2, 00,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the mango tree on the north side of the city playground".
  
  Signed: "A Sardarji"
  
  Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was kept beneath the mango tree. 
  
  The boy was sitting next to the bag. Sardarji opened up the bag and found the Rs.2, 00,000 in cash with a note saying: "How can a sardarji do this to a fellow Sardarji? Take the money, and please leave my son."
  
  Signed: Another Sardarji

Man: Sardarji where were U born?
  Sardarji: Punjab .
  
  Man: Which part?
  
  Sardar: Oye What part part, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar". 
  

SHORT JOKES

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
  
  He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!" 

CLEAN JOKES

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
  
  Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." 
  
  An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry .. we still have one engine left." 
  
  A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!" 

JOKE OF THE DAY

NAPOLEAN: "In my Dictionary there is no word called 'IMPOSSIBLE'....
  
  Sardarji: "What's the use of saying it now, you should have checked it before buying THE DICTIONARY !!

BIRTHDAY JOKES

 Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything.
  
  So the other asked, "Why are you crying?" 
  
  The first one replied, "I came here for blood test" 
  
  Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid?" 
  
  First one replied, "No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger" 
  
  Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?" 
  
  The other replied, "I have come for my urine test." 

VERY FUNNY JOKES

Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. 
  
  We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect your new standards:
  Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December
  As well as:
  Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak
  
  I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a globalproblem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible. 
  
  And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think We ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00? We'll await your direction.

One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.
  
  A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" 
  Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" 
  
  Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. 
  Sardar answered " No No Me ! Banta Singh" 
  
  Third one came and asked the same
  question, Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to
  shift his place. 
  
  While walking he saw another Sardar
  enjoying the Beach. 
  
  He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?". The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing. 
  
  The Sardar slapped him on
  his face and said "Idiot, they are all searching for you and you are sitting here"


ADULT JOKES

Sardar proposed a Girl
  .
  .
  .
  Girl said 'I'm 1 year elder to you'
  .
  .
  .
  Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.

Sardar was writing something very slowly.
  
  Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
  
  Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
  
  Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''
  
  Note: Manmohan Singh is the Prime Minister (PM) of INDIA


FUNNY JOKES

A Teacher lecturing on population:
  
  In India after Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.
  
  A Sardar stands up and says: we must find and stop her !! 

Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave him 11 cr after deducting tax.
  
  Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!

Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as
  
  to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
  
  After much thought he wrote : Yes !

FUNNIEST JOKES

Flash news: 
  A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . 
  
  Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..

One day Sardarji was driving his new car. Suddenly, he collided with a bicycle. The accident caused much damage to the bicycle and the guy was furious. Sardarji ran towards him mumbling apologies, but the man was not pacified. 
  
  He shouted at sardar got a stout stick and starting hammering it on the windshield. Sardarji was shocked and tried to take the stick from him, requesting him to stop. But the bicycle man (who was incidently very stout) got hold of the Sardarji and carried him ten meters away from his car. He drew a small circle near the road with the stick and asked Sardarji to stay inside and not move outside the circle, threatening him with his stout stick for better measure. 
  
  Now our Sardarji was not very brave at heart and coolly went to stand in the circle. The man goes back to what he had left in the middle and starts on the headlights. After this, he starts on the rearlights. As soon as he breaks the first one, he hears a faint chuckle from the Sardarji. He breaks the other one, now he could distinctly hear the Sardarji laugh slightly. Enraged, he goes to the Sardarji and asks him why he was laughing. Sardarji says that it was nothing. 
  
  He comes backs and resumes his assault on the poor car and as he goes on in this act, Sardarji's laughs become louder and louder. Enraged, the bicycle man increases his assault , but the laughs keep on increasing rather than decreasing. 
  
  At last, the bicycle man can't stop himself. He goes to the Sardar and taking him by the collar, asks him the reason for laughing. Our Sardar at first says it was nothing, but when the man starts getting really rough, he breaks down. He says "If I tell you, you will beat me". The bicycle man, now very curious, promises not to do anything if the Sardar tells him.
  
  Satisfied about his safety, our Sardarji says "You know, while u were engaged there, I came out of the circle seventeen times."

Three Construction workers are working on the 20th floor of a tall building in Bombay. 
  
  One is a Mallu, the second is a Bengali and the third is a Sardarji. Every day all the three meet in the lunch hall and have their lunch together. 
  
  One fine day-the Mallu opened his lunch box and finds idlis in the box. He says " I am fed up of eating these idlis daily. If I find idlis in the box tomorrow, i will jump from the 20th floor and die".
  
  Next the Bengali opens his lunch box and finds Fish in it and says, If I find fish in my lunch box tomorrow, I am going to jump from the 20th floor of this building and die".
  
  Next the Sardarji opens his lunch box and finds Parathas in it and says "Mother promise, if I find parathas in my box tomorrow I am also going to jump from the 20th floor"
  
  Next day the three friends meet in the lunch room for lunch. Mallu opens his lunch box and finds Idlis and promptly jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
  
  The Bengali opens his lunch box and finds fish in it and jumps from the 20th floor and dies. 
  
  Sardarji opens his box and finds parathas and he also jumps
  from the 20th floor and dies.
  
  In the combined funeral held for all the three friends by their colleagues, the Mallu's widow says "I did not know he hated idlis so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch".
  
  The Bengali's widow says "I did not know he hated fish so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch"
  
  The sardarji's widow says 
"I do not understand what went wrong. My husband always prepared his own lunch!"

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
  Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
  Sardar thinks "how poetic"
  Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".

ONE LINER JOKES

Sardar: Can I know my mobile bill, please?
  
  Call centre girl: Sir,just dial *123# to know your current bill status.
  
  Sardar: (He got angry and..)You stupid...
  
  Call centre girl:Sir,I'm sorry, anything wrong?
  
  Sardar: I'm not asking my current bill.I'm asking my mobile bill.. Don't be a fool. Be wise like me.
  
  Call centre girl: ???!!!

Once upon a time.... a sardar was driving his scooter and someone said hey look the beauty and the beast the sardar got off his scooter and said who called my wife the beast.

A sardar was drawing money from ATM, the sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). "
  
  The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"

Sardar Dhakaal Singh is big hunter. Once he went to a zoo. At that time a big tiger escaped from its cage. The zoo officials sent everyone out of the zoo and closed the main gate. Now the tiger is inside the zoo but wandering freely. Zoo people requested sardar to be inside and trap the tiger in a cage. Scared but to avoid insult he went into the zoo in his jeep carrying a big gun.
  
  While driving on one of the zoo's roads, he noticed that the tiger is chasing him. Feeling scared he drove the jeep fast but only to observe that the tiger is very near to the jeep. At that time the road separated into two paths ahead, one to the left and other to the right. Then cleverly dhakaal put the left indicator on and turned the jeep to the road on right. The tiger runs into the left path. With a sigh of relief, he drove forward. After some time the roads meet and the same situation arises again.
  
  Once more the road divides into two and this time our sardar is smart enough to put the right indicator on and turned to left. This time the tiger goes into the road on right side. After some time the roads meet again to our sardar's misfortune and the tiger starts to chase him again. This time the road never divides and our sardar thought the tiger would catch him. Then a brilliant idea struck his mind. He slows down his jeep taking it to the left corner of the road. Then he held his hand outside and a gives signal which is given for vehicles which want to overtake. The
  tiger this time overtakes his jeep and runs forward.
  
  
  
  NOW TELL ME WHAT IS THE MORAL OF THE STORY??
  ANSWER BELOW............
  ..
  ..
  
  ..
  ..
  
  ..
  ..
  ..
  
  
  ..
  ..
  ..
  
  ..
  ..
  ..
  
  
  MORAL: "There are Sardar Communities in Tigers
  too".



HILARIOUS JOKES

Once a sardar had to learn two essays for the exam. One is about friend and the other is about father. He had studied only about friend. But in the exam the essay asked was about father. Sardar dint give up. He replaced father with friend in the essay and it read: 
  
  "I am a very fatherly person, I have lots of fathers, My best father is my neighbor."
  
  He ended the essay as, "A father in need is a father in deed....!"

NAPOLEAN: "In my Dictionary there is no word called 'IMPOSSIBLE'....
  
  Sardarji: "What's the use of saying it now, you should have checked it before buying THE DICTIONARY !!

Sardar joins the suicide bomber squad. So when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp his leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.
  
  He lands up in the enemy's camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?
  
  Leader: No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.
  
  Sardar: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now?
  
  Boss: Wait for more.
  
  Sardar: Sir, now I am in a midst of 100 soldiers, can I suicide now?
  
  Boss: Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don't worry about your family, we will look after.
  
  Sardar pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest.!!!

Sardar complained to his friend about his wife "My wife never agrees with anything I say. And we have been married for six years."
  
  Mrs Sardar (Rajsi) intervened, "Not six we have been married for seven years!"

JOKES

A Sardar and his wife filed an application 4 Divorce. 
  
  Judge asked: How will you divide, you have 3 children?
  
  Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR

Sardar complained to his friend about his wife "My wife never agrees with anything I say. And we have been married for six years."
  
  Mrs Sardar (Rajsi) intervened, "Not six we have been married for seven years!"

A train suddenly deviated from the tracks and ran onto the nearby fields before returning on the tracks again. The passengers were horrified at this. At the
  next railway station, the driver was caught and questioned. He was a sardar and explained that a man was standing on the tracks and he refused to budge.
  
  The authorities asked him, "Sardarji, are you mad? Just to save one person, you put so many lives in danger. You should have overrun that person." 
  
  The sardar replied: "Exactly, that is what I was doing, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close."

Three Construction workers are working on the 20th floor of a tall building in Bombay. 
  
  One is a Mallu, the second is a Bengali and the third is a Sardarji. Every day all the three meet in the lunch hall and have their lunch together. 
  
  One fine day-the Mallu opened his lunch box and finds idlis in the box. He says " I am fed up of eating these idlis daily. If I find idlis in the box tomorrow, i will jump from the 20th floor and die".
  
  Next the Bengali opens his lunch box and finds Fish in it and says, If I find fish in my lunch box tomorrow, I am going to jump from the 20th floor of this building and die".
  
  Next the Sardarji opens his lunch box and finds Parathas in it and says "Mother promise, if I find parathas in my box tomorrow I am also going to jump from the 20th floor"
  
  Next day the three friends meet in the lunch room for lunch. Mallu opens his lunch box and finds Idlis and promptly jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
  
  The Bengali opens his lunch box and finds fish in it and jumps from the 20th floor and dies. 
  
  Sardarji opens his box and finds parathas and he also jumps
  from the 20th floor and dies.
  
  In the combined funeral held for all the three friends by their colleagues, the Mallu's widow says "I did not know he hated idlis so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch".
  
  The Bengali's widow says "I did not know he hated fish so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch"
  
  The sardarji's widow says 
"I do not understand what went wrong. My husband always prepared his own lunch!"

GOLF JOKES

Sardar: why are all these people running?
  
  Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
  
  Sardar: If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?



Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
  Sardar : liquid state.....
  Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks be hind, ALL WERE SARDARS..... ..
  

Banta Singh: "Yaar Santa, last year the name-plate outside your house read Santa Singh B.A. This year it read Santa Singh M.A., When did you finish yours Masters Degree?
  Santa Singh: "You don't understand. Last year my wife died, I put B.A. to indicate Bachelor Again. Then I took a second wife, So M.A. is Married Again.


Santa: I have swallowed a key. 
  
  Doctor: When? 
  
  Santa: 3 months back! 
  
  Doctor: What were you doing till now? 
  
  Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too. 
  


GOOD JOKES

One young man went for an IAS Interview.
  
  "When did India get independence? " He was asked.
  
  "The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.
  
  "Who was responsible for our independence? "
  
  "There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another. " He replied.
  
  "Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"
  
  "Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.
  
  The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.
  
  When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.
  
  Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him." By the way, what is your date of birth?"
  
  He replied, " The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."
  
  Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?"
  
  He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another".
  
  The interviewer was incensed.
  
  " Hey! Are you mad or what?"
  
  He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report ."

KIDS JOKES

Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave him 11 cr after deducting tax.
  
  Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!


One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.
  
  A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" 
  Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" 
  
  Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. 
  Sardar answered " No No Me ! Banta Singh" 
  
  Third one came and asked the same
  question, Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to
  shift his place. 
  
  While walking he saw another Sardar
  enjoying the Beach. 
  
  He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?". The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing. 
  
  The Sardar slapped him on
  his face and said "Idiot, they are all searching for you and you are sitting here"

in an interview,
  
  Interviewer: How does an electric motor run? 
  
  SARDAR: dhuurrrrrrrrrr..
  
  Interviewr shouts: stop it !
  
  SARDAR: dhurr dhup dup dup dup.


MOMMA JOKES

ardar : I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
  
  Friend : why?
  
  Sardar : Got upper berth.
  
  Friend : why didn't you exchange?
  
  Sardar : Oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth..

This joke is Submited By - sardar

SMS JOKE

Sardarji jokes are a class of jokes based on stereotypes of Sikhs (referred to as "Sardarji"s). Although jokes on several ethnic stereotypes are common in India, the Sardarji jokes are one of the most popular and widely circulated ethnic jokes in India.In the recent years, the jokes on the stereotypes of Biharis have become more common than the Sardarji jokes.

STUPID JOKES

In the comedy field, humour induces an "economized expenditure of emotion" (Freud literally calls it "economy of affect" or "economy of sympathy". Freud produced this final part of his interpretation many years later, in a paper later supplemented to the book.). In other words, the joke erases an emotion that should be felt about an event, making us insensitive to it.e.g: "yo momma" jokes. The profound meaning of the void feeling of a humour joke is "I'm a cynic". An example from Woody Allen:

“Three times I've been mistaken for Robert Redford. Each time by a blind person.        

This field of jokes is still a grey area, being mostly unexplored. Extensive use of this kind of humour can be found in the work of British satirist Chris Morris, like the sketches of the Jam television program. Black humour and sarcasm belong to this field.

REALLY FUNNY JOKES

A joke is a short story or ironic depiction of a situation communicated with the intent of being humorous. These jokes will normally have a punch line that will end the sentence to make it humorous. A joke can also be a single phrase or statement that employs sarcasm. The word joke can also be used as a slang term for a person or thing which is not taken seriously by others in general. A practical joke or prank differs from a spoken one in that the major component of the humour is physical rather than verbal (for example placing salt in the sugar bowl).

Jokes are typically for the entertainment of friends and onlookers. The desired response is generally laughter; when this does not happen the joke is said to have "fallen flat".

HUMOR JOKES

Arthur Schopenhauer lamented the misuse of the term "humour" (a German loanword from English) to mean any type of comedy. However, both "humour" and "comic" are often used when theorizing about the subject. The connotation of "humour" is more that of response, while "comic" refers more to stimulus. "Humour" also originally had a connotation of a combined ridiculousness and wit in one individual, the paradigm case being Shakespeare's Sir John Falstaff. The French were slow to adopt the term "humour," and in French, "humeur" and "humour" are still two different words, the former still referring only to the archaic concept of humours.

Western humour theory begins with Plato, who attributed to Socrates (as a semihistorical dialogue character) in the Philebus (p. 49b) the view that the essence of the ridiculous is an ignorance in the weak, who are thus unable to retaliate when ridiculed. Later, in Greek philosophy, Aristotle, in the Poetics (1449a, pp. 34–35), suggested that an ugliness that does not disgust is fundamental to humour.

In ancient Sanskrit drama, Bharata Muni's Natya Shastra defined humour (hāsyam) as one of the eight nava rasas, or principle rasas (emotional responses), which can be inspired in the audience by bhavas, the imitations of emotions that the actors perform. Each rasa was associated with a specific bhavas portrayed on stage. In the case of humour, it was associated with mirth (hasya).

The terms "comedy" and "satire" became synonymous after Aristotle's Poetics was translated into Arabic in the medieval Islamic world, where it was elaborated upon by Arabic writers and Islamic philosophers such as Abu Bischr, his pupil Al-Farabi, Avicenna, and Averroes. Due to cultural differences, they disassociated comedy from Greek dramatic representation, and instead identified it with Arabic poetic themes and forms, such as hija (satirical poetry). They viewed comedy as simply the "art of reprehension" and made no reference to light and cheerful events or troublous beginnings and happy endings associated with classical Greek comedy. After the Latin translations of the 12th century, the term "comedy" thus gained a new semantic meaning in Medieval literature.

The Incongruity Theory originated mostly with Kant, who claimed that the comic is an expectation that comes to nothing. Henri Bergson attempted to perfect incongruity by reducing it to the "living" and "mechanical."

An incongruity like Bergson's, in things juxtaposed simultaneously, is still in vogue. This is often debated against theories of the shifts in perspectives in humour; hence, the debate in the series Humor Research between John Morreall and Robert Latta. Morreall presented mostly simultaneous juxtapositions, with Latta countering that it requires a "cognitive shift" created by a discovery or solution to a puzzle or problem. Latta is criticized for having reduced jokes' essence to their own puzzling aspect.

Humour frequently contains an unexpected, often sudden, shift in perspective, which gets assimilated by the Incongruity Theory. This view has been defended by Latta (1998) and by Brian Boyd (2004). Boyd views the shift as from seriousness to play. Nearly anything can be the object of this perspective twist; it is, however, in the areas of human creativity (science and art being the varieties) that the shift results from "structure mapping" (termed "bisociation" by Koestler) to create novel meanings.Arthur Koestler argues that humour results when two different frames of reference are set up and a collision is engineered between them.

Tony Veal, who is taking a more formalised computational approach than Koestler did, has written on the role of metaphor and metonymy in humour, using inspiration from Koestler as well as from Dedre Gentner's theory of structure-mapping, George Lakoff and Mark Johnson's theory of conceptual metaphor, and Mark Turner and Gilles Fauconnier's theory of conceptual blending.

Some claim that humour cannot or should not be explained. Author E.B. White once said,[citation needed] "Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind."

JOKES COM

Wit

In the wit field plays the "economy of censorship expenditure"(Freud literally calls it "the economy of psychic expenditure".); usually censorship prevents some 'dangerous ideas' from reaching the conscious mind, or helps us avoid saying everything that comes to mind; adversely, the wit circumvents the censorship and brings up those ideas. Different wit techniques allow one to express them in a funny way. The profound meaning behind a wit joke is "I have dangerous ideas". An example from Woody Allen:

           I contemplated suicide again - this time by inhaling next to an insurance salesman.          

Or, when a bagpipe player was asked "How do you play that thing?" his answer was:

           Well.   

FUN JOKES

Comic

In the comic field plays the 'economy of ideative expenditure'; in other words excessive energy is wasted or action-essential energy is saved. The profound meaning of a comic gag or a comic joke is "I'm a child"; the comic deals with the clumsy body of the child.

Laurel and Hardy are a classic example. An individual laughs because he recognizes the child that is in himself. In clowns stumbling is a childish tempo. In the comic, the visual gags may be translated into a joke. For example in Side Effects (By Destiny Denied story) by Woody Allen:  "My father used to wear loafers," she confessed. "Both on the same foot".

FUNNY VIDEOS

Rhythm

Main articles: Timing (linguistics) and Comic timing

The joke's content (meaning) is not what provokes the laugh, it just makes the salience of the joke and provokes a smile. What makes us laugh is the joke mechanism. Milton Berle demonstrated this with a classic theatre experiment in the 1950s: if during a series of jokes you insert phrases that are not jokes, but with the same rhythm, the audience laughs anyway. A classic is the ternary rhythm, with three beats: Introduction, premise, antithesis (with the antithesis being the punch line).

In regards to the Milton Berle experiment, they can be taken to demonstrate the concept of "breaking context" or "breaking the pattern". It is not necessarily the rhythm that caused the audience to laugh, but the disparity between the expectation of a "joke" and being instead given a non-sequitur "normal phrase." This normal phrase is, itself, unexpected, and a type of punchline.

YO MOMMA JOKES

Synthesis

That a joke is best when it expresses the maximum level of humour with a minimal number of words, is today considered one of the key technical elements of a joke.[citation needed] An example from Woody Allen:

           I took a speed reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.    

Though, the familiarity of the pattern of "brevity" has led to numerous examples of jokes where the very length is itself the pattern breaking "punchline".[citation needed] Numerous examples from Monty Python exist, for instance, the song "I Like Traffic Lights", and more modernly, Family Guy contains numerous such examples, most notably, in the episode Wasted Talent, Peter Griffin bangs his shin, a classic slapstick routine, and tenderly nurses it whilst inhaling and exhaling to quiet the pain. This goes on for considerably longer than expected.[vague] Certain versions of the popular vaudevillian joke The Aristocrats can go on for several minutes, and it is considered an anti-joke, as the humour is more in the set-up than the punchline.

ONE LINERS JOKES

The rules of humour are analogous to those of poetry. These common rules are mainly timing, precision, synthesis, and rhythm. French philosopher Henri Bergson has said in an essay: "In every wit there is something of a poet." In this essay Bergson views the essence of humour as the encrustation of the mechanical upon the living. He used as an instance a book by an English humorist, in which an elderly woman who desired a reputation as a philanthropist provided "homes within easy hail of her mansion for the conversion of atheists who have been specially manufactured for her, so to speak, and for a number of honest folk who have been made into drunkards so that she may cure them of their failing, etc." This idea seems funny because a genuine impulse of charity as a living, vital impulse has become encrusted by a mechanical conception of how it should manifest itself.

Precision

To reach precision, the comedian must choose the words in order to provide a vivid, in-focus image, and to avoid being generic as to confuse the audience, and provide no laughter. To properly arrange the words in the sentence is also crucial to get precision. An example by Woody Allen (from Side Effects, "A Giant Step for Mankind" story ):

           Grasping the mouse firmly by the tail, I snapped it like a small whip, and the morsel of cheese came loose.         

FREE JOKES

Why we laugh has been the subject of serious academic study, examples being:

Immanuel Kant, in Critique of Judgement (1790) states that "Laughter is an effect that arises if a tense expectation is transformed into nothing." Here is Kant's 218-year old joke and his analysis:

"An Englishman at an Indian's table in Surat saw a bottle of ale being opened, and all the beer, turned to froth, rushed out. The Indian, by repeated exclamations, showed his great amazement. - Well, what's so amazing in that? asked the Englishman. - Oh, but I'm not amazed at its coming out, replied the Indian, but how you managed to get it all in. - This makes us laugh, and it gives us a hearty pleasure. This is not because, say, we think we are smarter than this ignorant man, nor are we laughing at anything else here that it is our liking and that we noticed through our understanding. It is rather that we had a tense expectation that suddenly vanished..."

Henri Bergson, in his book Le rire (Laughter, 1901), suggests that laughter evolved to make social life possible for human beings.

Sigmund Freud's "Jokes and their Relation to the Unconscious". (Der Witz und seine Beziehung zum Unbewußten).

Arthur Koestler, in The Act of Creation (1964), analyses humour and compares it to other creative activities, such as literature and science.

Marvin Minsky in Society of Mind (1986).

Marvin Minsky suggests that laughter has a specific function related to the human brain. In his opinion jokes and laughter are mechanisms for the brain to learn nonsense. For that reason, he argues, jokes are usually not as funny when you hear them repeatedly.

Edward de Bono in "The Mechanism of the Mind" (1969) and "I am Right, You are Wrong" (1990).

Edward de Bono suggests that the mind is a pattern-matching machine, and that it works by recognizing stories and behaviour and putting them into familiar patterns. When a familiar connection is disrupted and an alternative unexpected new link is made in the brain via a different route than expected, then laughter occurs as the new connection is made. This theory explains a lot about jokes. For example:

Why jokes are only funny the first time they are told: once they are told the pattern is already there, so there can be no new connections, and so no laughter.

Why jokes have an elaborate and often repetitive set up: The repetition establishes the familiar pattern in the brain. A common method used in jokes is to tell almost the same story twice and then deliver the punch line the third time the story is told. The first two tellings of the story evoke a familiar pattern in the brain, thus priming the brain for the punch line.

Why jokes often rely on stereotypes: the use of a stereotype links to familiar expected behaviour, thus saving time in the set-up.

Why jokes are variants on well-known stories (e.g. the genie and a lamp and a man walks into a bar): This again saves time in the set up and establishes a familiar pattern.

In 2002, Richard Wiseman conducted a study intended to discover the world's funniest joke.

Humour and Jokes have also been concluded to be logic that is completely random or vice versa.[citation needed]

Laughter, the intended human reaction to jokes, is healthy in moderation, uses the stomach muscles, and releases endorphins, natural "feel good" chemicals, into the brain.

JOKE

 

Jokes have been a part of human culture since at least 1900 BCE. A fart joke from ancient Sumer is currently believed to be the world's oldest known joke

A recent discovery of a document called Philogelos (The Laughter Lover) gives us an insight into ancient humour. Written in Greek by Hierocles and Philagrius, it dates to the third or fourth century AD, and contains some 260 jokes. Considering humour from our own culture as recent as the 19th century is at times baffling to us today, the humour is surprisingly familiar. They had different Stereotypes, the Absent-minded professor, the eunuch, and people with hernias or bad breath were favourites. A lot of the jokes play on the idea of knowing who you are:

a barber, a bald man and an absent minded professor take a journey together. They have to camp overnight, so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says "How stupid is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me.

Another joke goes: "A man tells a well-known wit: "I had your wife, without paying a penny". The husband replies: "It's my duty as a husband to couple with such a monstrosity. What made you do it?"

There is even a version of Monty Python's Dead Parrot sketch: a man buys a slave, who dies shortly afterwards. When he complains to the slave merchant, he is told: "He didn't die when I owned him." Comic Jim Bowen has presented them to a modern audience. "One or two of them are jokes I've seen in people's acts nowadays, slightly updated. They put in a motor car instead of a chariot - some of them are Tommy Cooper-esque."

LAWYER JOKES

A joke is a short story or ironic depiction of a situation communicated with the intent of being humorous. These jokes will normally have a punch line that will end the sentence to make it humorous. A joke can also be a single phrase or statement that employs sarcasm. The word joke can also be used as a slang term for a person or thing which is not taken seriously by others in general. A practical joke or prank differs from a spoken one in that the major component of the humour is physical rather than verbal (for example placing salt in the sugar bowl).

Jokes are typically for the entertainment of friends and onlookers. The desired response is generally laughter; when this does not happen the joke is said to have "fallen flat".

HUMOR

Humour or humor (see American and British English spelling differences) is the tendency of particular cognitive experiences to provoke laughter and provide amusement. Many theories exist about what humour is and what social function it serves. People of all ages and cultures respond to humour. The majority of people are able to be amused, to laugh or smile at something funny, and thus they are considered to have a "sense of humour."

The term derives from the humoral medicine of the ancient Greeks, which stated that a mix of fluids known as humours (Greek: χυμός, chymos, literally juice or sap; metaphorically, flavour) controlled human health and emotion. (This theory has since been found to be counterfactual.)[citation needed]

A sense of humour is the ability to experience humour, although the extent to which an individual will find something humorous depends on a host of variables, including geographical location, culture, maturity, level of education, intelligence, and context. For example, young children may possibly favour slapstick, such as Punch and Judy puppet shows or cartoons (e.g., Tom and Jerry). Satire may rely more on understanding the target of the humour, and thus tends to appeal to more mature audiences. Nonsatirical humour can be specifically termed "recreational drollery."

DAILY JOKES

Jokes can be employed by workers as a way to identify with their jobs. For example, 9-1-1 operators often crack jokes about incongruous, threatening, or tragic situations they deal with on a daily basis.This use of humor and cracking jokes helps employees differentiate themselves from the people they serve while also assisting them in identifying with their jobs.In addition to employees, managers use joking, or jocularity, in strategic ways. Some managers attempt to suppress joking and humor use because they feel it relates to lower production, while others have attempted to manufacture joking through pranks, pajama or dress down days, and specific committees that are designed to increase fun in the workplace.

DIRTY DIRTY JOKES

In 1975 anthropologist Mary Douglas noted that "Joking as one mode of expression has yet to be interpreted in its total relation to other modes of expression"; scholar Seth Graham remarked that 30 years later this statement remains largely valid.

ADULT DIRTY JOKES

Jokes have been a part of human culture since at least 1900 BCE. A fart joke from ancient Sumer is currently believed to be the world's oldest known joke

A recent discovery of a document called Philogelos (The Laughter Lover) gives us an insight into ancient humour. Written in Greek by Hierocles and Philagrius, it dates to the third or fourth century AD, and contains some 260 jokes. Considering humour from our own culture as recent as the 19th century is at times baffling to us today, the humour is surprisingly familiar. They had different Stereotypes, the Absent-minded professor, the eunuch, and people with hernias or bad breath were favourites. A lot of the jokes play on the idea of knowing who you are:

a barber, a bald man and an absent minded professor take a journey together. They have to camp overnight, so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says "How stupid is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me.

Another joke goes: "A man tells a well-known wit: "I had your wife, without paying a penny". The husband replies: "It's my duty as a husband to couple with such a monstrosity. What made you do it?"

There is even a version of Monty Python's Dead Parrot sketch: a man buys a slave, who dies shortly afterwards. When he complains to the slave merchant, he is told: "He didn't die when I owned him." Comic Jim Bowen has presented them to a modern audience. "One or two of them are jokes I've seen in people's acts nowadays, slightly updated. They put in a motor car instead of a chariot - some of them are Tommy Cooper-esque."

DIRTY SHORT JOKES

A joke is a short story or ironic depiction of a situation communicated with the intent of being humorous. These jokes will normally have a punch line that will end the sentence to make it humorous. A joke can also be a single phrase or statement that employs sarcasm. The word joke can also be used as a slang term for a person or thing which is not taken seriously by others in general. A practical joke or prank differs from a spoken one in that the major component of the humour is physical rather than verbal (for example placing salt in the sugar bowl).

Jokes are typically for the entertainment of friends and onlookers. The desired response is generally laughter; when this does not happen the joke is said to have "fallen flat".

DIRTY BLONDE JOKES

In India, sexual humor in particular is known as "non-veg" humor, contrasted with the "veg" jokes that are more acceptable in polite company. The use of the term "non-veg" is probably a reference to the carnal nature of sexual humor, and can be viewed in the context of the prevalence of both vegetarian and non-vegetarian dietary preferences in India.

DIRTY JOKE

DIRTY JOKE

Dirty jokes were once considered subversive and underground, and rarely heard in public. Comedian Lenny Bruce was tried, convicted, and jailed for obscenity after a stand up performance that included off-color humor in New York City in 1964. Comedian and actor Redd Foxx was well known in nightclubs in the 1960s and 1970s for his raunchy stand-up act, but toned it down for the television shows Sanford and Son and The Redd Foxx Comedy Hour, stating in the first monologue of the latter show that the only similarity between the show and his nightclub act was that "I'm smoking".[1] American society has become increasingly tolerant of off-color humor since that time. Such forms of humor have become widely distributed and more socially acceptable, in part due to the mainstream success in the 1970s and 1980s of comedians like Dolemite, Andrew Dice Clay's "The Dice Man", and Richard Pryor.

FUNNY DIRTY JOKES

FUNNY DIRTY JOKES

Off-color humor was used in Ancient Greek comedy, primarily by its most famous contributor and representative, Aristophanes. His work parodied some of the great tragedians of his time, especially Euripedes, using sexual and excremental jokes that received great popularity among his contemporaries but would be considered embarrassing in the Christian milieu.

DIRTY JOKES

DIRTY JOKES

The term off-color humor (also known as dirty jokes or blue humor) is an Americanism used to describe jokes, prose, poems, black comedy and skits that deal with topics that are considered to be in poor taste or overly vulgar by the prevailing morals in a culture. Most commonly labeled as "off-color" are acts concerned with sex, a particular ethnic group, or gender. Other off-color topics include violence, particularly domestic abuse; excessive swearing or profanity; "toilet humor"; national superiority or inferiority, dead baby jokes, pedophilic content, and any other topics generally considered impolite or indecent. Generally, the point of off-color humor is to induce laughter by evoking a feeling of shock and surprise in the comedian's audience. In this way, "blue" humor is related to other forms of postmodern humor, such as the anti-joke.